


Memory

by flashforeward



Category: The Librarians (TV 2014)
Genre: Episode Tag, M/M, One Shot, Post-Episode: s02e08 And the Point of Salvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-23 05:38:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9642929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flashforeward/pseuds/flashforeward
Summary: Ezekiel remembers. He just really wishes he didn't.





	

He remembers.

Of course he remembers.

He remembers everything except succeeding.

It actually kind of figures, doesn't it? He goes through all of that, watches them all die over and over, but he doesn't actually remember saving them because he didn't save himself. Ezekiel Jones sacrificed himself for the team. If someone had told him when they first walked through the door that that would be the outcome, he would have laughed in their face.

But he did it. He saved them all and he remembers everything except that. He remembers every fight, every injury, and every death. Every single death. Over and over, watching his friends fall. Failing his friends. That's what he remembers, so that's why he lies. He lies because he doesn't want to remember and maybe if he convinces the rest of them that he doesn't he'll start to believe it, too, and in believing forget.

Except it isn't really working out that way and instead of forgetting he's been thinking about it more and more and he can't sleep so now he's awake with a pot of coffee, a suspicious Jenkins, and a frustratingly inert clipping book serving as his pillow. Jenkins has told him to go to bed a hundred or so times now, but Ezekiel just continues ignoring him, staring blankly across the room at the back door and wondering what horrors they'll find on the other side next time.

Because, odds are, the next death will be permanent.

His eyes snap open - had he closed them? - the image of Eve falling to the hordes while trying to teach him to fight lingering in his vision for a moment. His breath catches in his throat and he actually has to fight back a sob and resist the urge to close his eyes again because every time he closes them he sees someone die again so instead of fighting them he lets the tears fall, sticky and hot on his cheek and temple and nose as they trickle down and pool on his clipping book's cover.

He wonders how long he's going to be reliving their deaths. When does it end? He could ask Eve, he supposes, but first of all he'd have to admit that he lied and second of all Eve never got a reset button. Sure, he remembers her reaction in the game. And it logically follows that he'd probably get that story again - and gods of course he'd let her tell it and he'd listen raptly and wish it actually made him feel better - but pain isn't rational and it isn't logical and it's all he can focus on right now.

There's a deep ache in his chest and he feels like something is clenching at his heart over and over with every memory. He chokes on another sob and brings his arms up under his head, burying his face in the crooks of his elbows and just letting go.

He doesn't jump with the hand falls heavy on his shoulders. Doesn't look to see who it is as they rub gentle circles on his back and run light fingers through the hair on the back of his neck. Doesn't even try to pick out who's voice is whispering in his ear, breath hot on his cheek, that it's okay. He's okay. They're all okay.

He tilts sideways into the embrace, burying his face in a solid shoulder as strong arms wrap around him, reassurance and safety.

When the tears dry up, Jacob presses a kiss to his temple, then settles their foreheads together and holds his gaze. "You remember, don't you?" he asks. Ezekiel can only nod, his throat too sore and choked. Jacob pulls him close, wraps him in a tight embrace, and Ezekiel just sits secure until, mercifully, he drifts into a dreamless sleep.


End file.
